They had been such boys, noisy and rambunctious and full of the kind of energy that would have made her crazy if it hadn't taken them where they wanted to go.
They could be so ordinary, zits and dirty socks and silly, shoving arguments, fussing about what they were expected to eat for dinner.
And then they would turn around and shine, golden boys in the spotlight, something magical about them that she couldn't explain. Maybe it was the fans, all those girls so willing to see something extraordinary, whether it was there or not.
Of course when Lynn looked at Justin, she realized that they were extraordinary, were magic, all five of them together like that.
She watched them grow, watched them become men.
She just plain watched them. It was impossible not to.
"Hey, Lynn, can you fix this button for me?" Chris came up to her, struggling with the cuff of his shirt.
"Sure, honey," Lynn said as she moved closer, taking hold of Chris's wrist, the pale skin covering blue veins soft under her fingers. His shirt wasn't tucked in yet, and his jeans were unzipped, waiting. Lynn followed the trail of dark hair until it disappeared under the waistband of Chris's boxers, let her eyes stray to the bulge under the soft black cotton.
She got the cuff buttoned and said, "There you go."
"Thanks," Chris said as he bounced off with a cheeky smile.
Justin had a habit of wandering in and out of their hotel room with just a towel around his waist. He liked to air dry after a shower. His shoulders were getting broader, his hips narrow under the towel, and Lynn would watch as he slipped the towel to the side to ease his boxers on.
JC, on the other hand, kept his body covered with such determination that Lynn sometimes wondered if he was allergic to the sun. Lynn made it a game in her mind, trying to stay still and inconspicuous so as not to startle him when the boys had to change clothes on the bus in between radio shows and photo shoots. She found it was best to linger for just a bit backstage, mingling among the crew during quick-changes, in order to catch sight of the curve of a hip, the flash of an armpit.
Joey's smile was almost enough for her. But if he and Lance were scuffling over who got the window seat when they flew, sometimes she could see Joey's hard belly with its dusting of dark hair when his shirt rode up.
Lance had a favorite pair of sweat pants, old and worn, that clung to him like a second skin. He wore them whenever he was feeling homesick, and after Diane stopped traveling with the group, well, Lynn wasn't about to complain.
Lynn watched as Lance blushed so very prettily at the big burly sound tech who helped him with his earpieces. She sighed. It was a pity, really.
When she saw that same blush directed at her son, she smiled at Justin and he smiled back happily.
"Diane," she said thoughtfully.
Diane shook her head. "No," she said, her voice implacable.
Lynn narrowed her eyes at Lance's mother and shrugged. "Fine." If Diane didn't want to see what was right in front of her, who was Lynn to make her?
Joey had a fine regard for all women, and his face always lit up appreciatively whenever Lynn wore her favorite red sweater, his eyes inevitably drawn to the V-neckline by the miniature diamond-encrusted JRT that hung on a fine gold chain between her breasts.
Her skin would warm under his gaze, sweat trickling down the small of her back. Joey's smile would twinkle irresistibly down at her until his attention was caught by a girl with glitter on her face and long, sleek brown hair, or a bouncy blonde in a tube top.
He would wink at her and say, "Later," his hand brushing over her shoulder once and he was gone.
Sometimes she caught Chris looking at her with an expression that was hard to decipher. Speculation, maybe, or maybe it was perception. She didn't know, and that bothered her, although she hated to admit it, even to herself.
Chris was quick and sharp, too sharp for his own good sometimes, and Lynn's interest faded as her sense of self-preservation kicked in.
JC was sweet. He always tried his best, no matter what. He reminded Lynn of Justin that way. But he never lost the look in his eyes that said he was afraid he would be left behind again. Lynn knew that someday he would be, but as she watched her son plan out his life, she hoped it would be a long time coming. JC didn't deserve to be left behind, but then people didn't always get what they deserved.
JC wasn't like Chris and Joey. It never occurred to him to look at her in return.
Lynn scratched delicately at her hair, trying not to catch her fingernails on the tightened braids that covered her head. She wasn't used to the cornrows yet. Hell, if she had her way, she never would be. She was already trying to decide how soon she could take the damn things out without hurting Justin's feelings.
"Justin, honey," she said. "What are we doing after?"
"After?" he repeated, frowning at her. His eyes widened. "We?"
Lynn suppressed a smile at his deer-in-the-headlights expression. "Yes, baby, we." She blinked at him innocently. When he still didn't say anything, mouth gaping like a fish, she prompted, "You know, after the show. What are our plans?"
She decided the fact that she didn't add, You made us get matching hairdos that make my head look like a cantaloupe, I expect you to entertain me for the whole damn evening instead of ducking out early to fuck Lance, should make her a shoo-in for mother of the year.
Instead, she took pity on him. He was her son and she wanted him to be happy. "Or did you want to make it an early night?" The way his eyes lit up at that almost made her change her mind, but she let him get away with it, giving him the benefit of the doubt that it was the thought of a long night of uninterrupted sex with Lance that made him grin like that, rather than the prospect of ditching her early.
"What's everyone else doing, do you know, sweetie?" She hoped he didn't take too long to catch on. Chris had told her JC didn't have a date for the awards show, not a real one that he wanted to sleep with afterwards, anyway.
"He's totally free, I know this for a fact." Chris's smile was almost a leer and for a moment Lynn's hand itched to slap it off his face. He had been paying attention all these years.
Justin waved a hand in dismissal. "Who knows? Chris said something about going somewhere, but I wasn't really lis-" he broke off, looking thoughtful. He reached up and scratched at a braid, which made Lynn's braids itch even more. She covered his hand with her own and pulled it away from his head. He smiled brightly at her as his fingers entwined with hers. "The cornrows are cool, aren't they?" She nodded and waited for him to put two and two together.
"JC, hmm, I wonder what JC is doing after?" Justin said.
Bingo. Her baby boy was as smart as he looked. Lynn let go of his hand and beamed at him.
Justin practically pulled his mother down the hotel corridor toward JC's room. Lance must not like to be kept waiting. Lynn firmly pulled her mind away from that direction. This wasn't the time to be thinking about Justin's sex life and what Lance was like in bed.
The expression on JC's face was priceless as he looked between her hair and Justin's. He really was a very sweet boy, because he quickly swallowed down whatever it was he would have said to Justin if Lynn hadn't been standing there in front of him with a matching set of cornrows.
"You're so awesome to do this," Justin said.
JC looked doubtful for a minute and Lynn added, "You really are."
He smiled. "Aw, no - it's great. These MTV shindigs're always crawling with people I wanna avoid, anyhow. I was gonna have a quiet evening and just hang around here." He reached out and rubbed her arm, just a quick touch.
She smiled back at him, then looked around while her son got himself rather gracelessly out the door. JC wasn't as neat and tidy as Justin was, not many people were, but the room wasn't too messy. Just some clothes scattered around on the floor and some shoes peeking out of the closet. White shoes with shiny buckles, for some reason Lynn really didn't want to think about.
JC fidgeted when Lynn looked back at him, and Lynn wasn't stupid, plus she'd known JC since he was sixteen years old. He was obviously planning ways to kill Justin for this. She spotted the mini-bar in the corner of the room with relief.
"Nice fridge you got there, honey."
JC took the hint like the bright boy Lynn knew he was. "Can I get you a drink?" There was a Heineken in her hand before she could even nod.
They sat on the bed drinking beer and talking smack about Justin until JC relaxed a bit. Once she had him laughing like a hyena at her reenactment of Justin's reaction to Trace replacing all his golf head covers with Trace's dirty sweat socks, he was stealing not so subtle peeks down the front of her blouse.
"Hey," he chortled. "Why don't we blow this pop stand and go somewhere for a real drink?"
"Great idea, sweetie. I know just the place." Lynn picked her purse up as she stood, hooking it over her shoulder and looking at JC expectantly.
He was dressed like a fairly normal person tonight, jeans and a rather fuzzy multi-colored sweater that luckily came down far enough to cover his hideous turquoise belt buckle. He grabbed a hoodie with only a small bit of fur trim around the hood and a ball cap with just a hint of sparkles, and they were out the door.
The bar was cool and dim, not a lot of people there, certainly not anyone who would recognize JC. Or herself, Lynn thought, patting her tightly braided cornrows. The waitress set them up with a bottle of Southern Comfort and a couple of beers and they were off to the races.
JC couldn't keep his eyes off her, and Lynn basked in the glow of his somewhat drunken admiration. She thought he looked good with his hair longer. It gave him a softer air, making him look less tightly wound than he used to.
They talked about old times, Orlando and Nashville and Germany. JC told her things he thought she didn't already know and she let him keep his illusions, laughing gaily at him. His smile and delightfully squinting eyes were heady and mixed nicely with the whiskey.
She kept her foot pressed against his under the table, and he made no attempt to pull away from her.
By the time they made it back to the hotel, they were both pleasantly buzzed. Okay, JC was stumbling a bit and Lynn couldn't feel her feet. It took them several tries to get the key card to work and they kind of fell back into JC's room, laughing and shushing each other.
Lynn kicked off her shoes and immediately felt much better. "Fuck, almighty," she murmured in relief and then JC was there, right up against her and she sighed and kissed him.
He moaned and slid his mouth across her jaw and behind her ear. Lynn tilted her head back and he kissed his way down her neck, sucking at her throat.
Lynn got her hands on his chest and pushed him away. He looked stricken until she got her blouse unbuttoned and shoved down off her shoulders. She grabbed that ugly-ass belt buckle and pulled him back against her.
He couldn't take his eyes off her breasts and she rubbed them against him, whispering, "C'mon, baby, c'mon."
His long fingers tucked inside her bra, pulling the cups down, exposing her to the chill hotel air conditioning. Her nipples tightened as JC thumbed them, again and again, then he lowered his head and took one in his mouth, sucking at it noisily.
If she heard him murmur mammy at some point, she was able to ignore it in the heat of the moment.
She gasped and started to work on opening his belt buckle. It was as hard to handle as it was ugly, but she finally got it open, and then she had his zipper down. His mouth tightened around her nipple as she wrapped her hand around his dick.
It really was as big as it looked when he was onstage.
She was impressed with how quickly she could get her jeans off.
JC might have been skinny but he was strong. Lynn wasn't usually a fan of getting fucked against walls, but she pressed her heels into the small of his back and hung on for the ride.
He was as good at this as she had thought he might be.
He came before she did and it startled her how familiar the noises he made were. She didn't know if she had heard them onstage or in any of the countless places they had all been crammed in together over the years.
He didn't seem to want to let go of her when they were done and she let him cling for a moment, then said, "JC, honey, I gotta get goin'." He released her and stepped back, looking somewhat dazed.
She got dressed and waited for him to zip up before giving him one more quick kiss.
"Are you gonna wait here for Justin?" he asked her hopefully. He really was a sweet boy.
"Lord, no. He'll be all night. I'm just gonna get going back to my room now, okay, baby?"
"Um." JC didn't seem to know what to say. "Thanks, um, for the drinks and stuff. Chris said this was gonna be awesome and he was pretty damn right." He blushed, and it was the most adorable thing Lynn had seen in a long time.
"Aren't you sweet?" Lynn said in the same voice she used to use to tell them all to get bed now and no more video games, it was getting late, and she could see him deflate just a little.
She let herself out and as she made her way to her room, she smiled and pulled out her cell phone.
She didn't expect an answer, didn't really want one. She waited for the beep and then said, "Chris, this is Lynn. You were right, sweetie. It was awesome."
